Sunday, February 27, 2011

my 38th year

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I just turned 38, and for the first time in my life, I feel old. My skin feels dry, my eyes don't shine so bright, and I have more and more body aches.

I am at a crossroads. I can either continue down this path, accepting my age and life as-is, or I can fight for a life of passion. The life I have dreamed of and know I am capable of having. A life I am worthy of living.

Another thing that has been freaking me out is cancer. Lately, it seems that every friend-of-a-friend has just found cancer. Many of these people have young children, and all I can think about it is What if that was me? What would my kids --or J-- do without me? I don't want my kids to grow up without a mother.

My heart breaks for the life I didn't lead.

I have done the responsible thing, and I have begun to make doctor's appointments for routine check ups. Since moving to a new part of California, I have needed to find new doctors anyway. Instead of worrying that I have cancer {knock wood}, I am being proactive and doing what is within my control.

In the meantime, I have also started making a 39 by 39 list: A list of 39 things I want to do before my 39th birthday. I hope to have that list complete by tomorrow. However, a list is just a list until you start checking things off of it.
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3 comments:

  1. AnonymousFebruary 27, 2011 at 9:01 AM

    I just [last Monday] turned 46 and spent all day feeling old..silly really but I couldn't help it. I've spent the last few weeks getting caught up with long overdue check ups, even had one done on my birthday [not the best way to start the morning lol], but I can't keep putting these things off.

    My kids are older but I can't bear the thought of not being there for them, even now, so I owe it to them, and hubby, to take care of myself.

    I thought about a 46 in 46 and never got around to it...shall I do a 47 in 47?? seems like a lot of things, but I still might do one.

    Would love to see your list for inspiration.

    I've become obsessed with this quote from The Summer Day by Mary Oliver:
    'Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?'

    Thinking about this daily inspired to do better

    x

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  2. AnonymousFebruary 27, 2011 at 9:04 AM

    Got so caught up with writing that I forget to wish you a very Happy [belated] Birthday; have a wonderful, wonderful year. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. gcMarch 1, 2011 at 6:37 AM

    @ Laura~ Thanks for the birthday wishes. It seems like our birthdays are just days apart. (I'm the 18th.) Great quote -- thanks! I "collect" inspirational quotes, and I'm adding yours. : )

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