Sunday, February 27, 2011

my 38th year

image via
I just turned 38, and for the first time in my life, I feel old. My skin feels dry, my eyes don't shine so bright, and I have more and more body aches.

I am at a crossroads. I can either continue down this path, accepting my age and life as-is, or I can fight for a life of passion. The life I have dreamed of and know I am capable of having. A life I am worthy of living.

Another thing that has been freaking me out is cancer. Lately, it seems that every friend-of-a-friend has just found cancer. Many of these people have young children, and all I can think about it is What if that was me? What would my kids --or J-- do without me? I don't want my kids to grow up without a mother.

My heart breaks for the life I didn't lead.

I have done the responsible thing, and I have begun to make doctor's appointments for routine check ups. Since moving to a new part of California, I have needed to find new doctors anyway. Instead of worrying that I have cancer {knock wood}, I am being proactive and doing what is within my control.

In the meantime, I have also started making a 39 by 39 list: A list of 39 things I want to do before my 39th birthday. I hope to have that list complete by tomorrow. However, a list is just a list until you start checking things off of it.


  1. I just [last Monday] turned 46 and spent all day feeling old..silly really but I couldn't help it. I've spent the last few weeks getting caught up with long overdue check ups, even had one done on my birthday [not the best way to start the morning lol], but I can't keep putting these things off.

    My kids are older but I can't bear the thought of not being there for them, even now, so I owe it to them, and hubby, to take care of myself.

    I thought about a 46 in 46 and never got around to it...shall I do a 47 in 47?? seems like a lot of things, but I still might do one.

    Would love to see your list for inspiration.

    I've become obsessed with this quote from The Summer Day by Mary Oliver:
    'Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?'

    Thinking about this daily inspired to do better


  2. Got so caught up with writing that I forget to wish you a very Happy [belated] Birthday; have a wonderful, wonderful year. :)

  3. @ Laura~ Thanks for the birthday wishes. It seems like our birthdays are just days apart. (I'm the 18th.) Great quote -- thanks! I "collect" inspirational quotes, and I'm adding yours. : )